So I had to write a research paper for English, and as I ran out of topic ideas, Eating Disorders came to mind. Seemed like a juicy topic, plenty of information to fill 5-7 pages, and honestly, maybe some tips for my own life.
A couple of months ago I received an email about awareness for eating disorders, and a lot of the stuff on there caught my eye, but I blew it off. Clearly, I am a healthy eighteen year old who enjoys running and…being healthy, no big. Then summer came, and I obsessed over the Freshman Fifteen (belief that entering freshman gain up to about 15 pounds-or more- their first year of college), and just staying in shape. I had managed to lose weight senior year, I developed good exercising habits, and I wanted to keep it up. So, my sister and I managed to make a routine of going to the park to jog early in the morning, and in the evening, and even went grocery shopping for healthier food. I thought it was all part of a "healthy lifestyle", and still do, but I've come to realize that being scared of getting fat isn't healthy. God sees me as His most beautiful creation, so why can't I? I was able to open up about this obsession a couple of weeks ago at a retreat I went to, but I feel like it's still there. Like if I let it go, I'll let my guard down and really gain weight.
A couple of hours ago, I came upon an Ani page on the internet. Ani is the code name for ,basically,"anorexic buddies" that give each other tips on how to stay skinny and not eat. "Ani" is the friend that wants these girls to remember that they don't need food, that being skinny is the best for them, and that society accepts skinny girls more than heavier ones. The images literally frightened me. I am scared of being one of them. I am scared of being a walking, breathing skeleton. I want to see myself as the right size and shape because I was created just like my loving Creator wanted me to. I am not just another girl, I am His girl. His love. He sees me as beautiful, talented…
I also thought about all the people that struggle with this in a deeper level. Sure, I fear gaining weight, but I have not stopped eating…I have not purged…I have not been scarred by my obsession…but there are girls (and boys) out there that struggle with this every single day. We all live in our own bubble and don't even think of all the other people there are in this world other than us, our community, and our circle of friends. My heart goes out to everyone who is shackled by an eating disorder. My heart cries as it feels incompetent in this situation. I might not be able to change the world…but I know my God is powerful and mighty to save.
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