Revelations

I’ve been asking God to show me why I’m here, to show me what He was thinking when He created me. These are hard questions to ask, but even harder is the fact that I find myself doubting He will answer. There are so many people around me whose purpose is evident. Worship leaders, preachers, teachers...their calling impacts so many people.
Why would they ever doubt of their purpose in life? How were their talents ever hidden from them?
I have heard of many testimonies of God speaking to people, showing them things through dreams or visions…why hasn’t that happened to me?
If I examine my life, the only things I can think of are writing and missions. Those are the things I’m most passionate about. What could God have been thinking as He was forming me? “Nancy…she’s going to write. That is how she will glorify me.” It’s hard to believe that that could be my purpose.
As I impatiently wait for His answer, I find myself comparing my life to others’. I realize that lately I have been living someone else’s experiences; I have been feeding my spirit with other people’s encounters with God without realizing that I have to encounter God on my own. I’m tired of knowing God through other people. I want my own experience.
And with that comes comparing my calling, my talents, with other people. God’s Word says that we are all one body. We all have an important role, and most importantly, we are all reaching one goal. To make His name made known on earth.
I want to trust that God will answer my prayers. He will show me and give me peace knowing that there’s a special place just for me in His heart. My identity is with Him.

My Beloved is Mine

"I wanna run, but only far enough to make you miss me."

It's days like today that I just wish I were somewhere else. Sure I think about other places constantly, but today, I want to be anywhere but here. I want to be anyone but myself. I want to see anyone but the person I'm scared of becoming.

And then I remember whose I am. I remember that my Father is the King of Kings. The One who was and is and is to come. The One who can melt any heart of stone. The One who can calm my raging storms-every single one of them-with a simple command.

I remember that I can just bury my face on his chest and cry all I need to. I remember that none of my tears are in vain, none of them go unnoticed.
Today, even through this..thing..I remember that I am His and He is mine. And that is sufficient.